And so, Darcy, any man who leads with his penis – as you pointed out – isn’t necessarily a bad human being, but he is definitely someone who doesn’t understand what makes women tick. They randomly and with no warning whatsoever send me a picture of their penis!! Also, they seem to prefer texting and emailing prior to a date, instead of actually calling me up and asking me for a date. They’ll exploit it for selfish reasons – not evil – just selfish – and you’ll never get what you want. This is probably the soundest psychological premise I could put forth to explain something so patently stupid. These are the qualities that make you want to be with him sexually, not vice versa. I mean, you’re just going through your emails or texts. There are many people who use texts the way I use emails – to send frequent communication throughout the day that suffices as a conversation. There’s no time investment, emotional investment, or true information exchange that comes with a series of back and forth one-liners. You deserve more than that, and you can get it – with the right guy. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but this is crazy to me! When we look specifically at the use of cellphones during dating, I’ve frequently stated that texts largely signify one thing: “I don’t want to talk to you; if I did, I would be calling you right now.” I might have to revise that statement. Quite conceivably, a man can be texting with five different women at the same time and none of them will know the difference. Otherwise, he’s gonna keep you as one of a half-dozen women on his low-investment texting roster.Evan, I meet a man via an online dating site, we email back and forth, get to know each other, then he will ask for my phone number. Maybe this is an issue with younger guys rather than middle aged? I have to say no-one has ever done that to me so I am a bit concerned if 85% of men that the OP communicates with are doing this. I wouldn’t even want to know what he thinks is appropriate to send to you after he finally meets you. I allow for many mistakes in the early phases of dating, but think that a penis text is a perfectly reasonable reason to dismiss a guy.
I have no problem with sexual banter or even sexting in the build-up to a date or for building anticipation in a new relationship, but normally when that happens there’s some kind of finesse – they don’t just whip out their johnson! But that means that you’re highly accessible, never unplugged, constantly distracted, and a lot more likely to crash your car. The difference is that it’s highly impersonal as well. What does this have to do with you and your many penises, Darcy? I think I just wanted the opportunity to state in public that we’re not going to be able to put the genie back in the bottle. And if you’re a woman who values herself and wants a man to make a more personal investment in you, it’s your job to show him how. I meant that in relation to men – brilliant men are often difficult, handsome men are often entitled, etc. For example, the Internet is great, but it’s also caused the polarization of our politics, tons of misinformation, and an endless time suck. It’s very convenient to have everyone you’ve ever met accessible through the Facebook app on your i Phone. About 85% of the men who get my telephone number and/or email do something very bizarre. But don’t keep rewarding men who think that this type of behavior is okay. 2) Men assume falsely that because they would like to see a naked picture of YOU, that you MUST equally crave seeing a naked photo of them. What they don’t know is that while most women appreciate a good body – and quite possibly a hard cock – you are really turned on by his wit, his intellect, his drive, his warmth, and his strength. It’s early in the morning and you’re drinking your coffee… Which is why, even if texting is ubiquitous, it’s still an objectively SHITTY way of building a relationship. If you tell him that you’re turning off your phone unless he presses the little green dial button on his, you may incentivize him to step up. Somewhere in their primitive reptilian brains, they think this is a good idea. I’ve never met a woman who was turned on as much as she was creeped out. Any clarification or advice, or just explaining this odd male behavior would be appreciated. Once again, I will reiterate that, although I was a self-proclaimed male slut from 25-35, my work was done before texting and camera phones became ubiquitous. What I’m guessing, however, is that, like I wrote in “Why He Disappeared”, good qualities come with bad qualities.